Pencil in a date with yourself ....

When you think about scheduling a date for the diary that’s usually to see another human but actually making one with yourself is just as important.

Typically, activities with others form the scaffolding of our calendars, which only allows alone time to slot in on an impromptu basis.

The idea behind scheduling solitude dates is that they give you the chance to take a step back, and find headspace to find peace, re-charge and do what you most like to do.

But often for most and for a variety of different reasons- lack of opportunity, feeling guilty for taking ‘me time’ and so on - we don’t actually prioritise carving out time for ourselves!

The benefits of solitude are BIG and you should make the time for setting a date with yourself more often spite all of the other demands made of you.

Remember that indulging in your needs during this time alone is positive time because others will feel the reward from a well-rested you rather than a busy and scattered you.

Being alone helps you recover from the stress of social interactions, according to research.

Top tips for planning dates with yourself

1. Make a list of up to 10 things you'd like to do more of. Let this be your inspiration for your time alone.

2. Decide whether this is staying in. Treating yourself to a night away, a walk or meal out in your favourite cafe.

3. Make sure you won't be disturbed! Tell your partner or children you are taking some quiet time to re-charge. Make it clear this isn't because of them but more a valuable exercise for your to decompress.

4. Really switch off.

To put your phone on aeroplane mode is easier than you think! Set WhatsApp to do no disturb and indulge in some cyber detoxing.

5. Wear something that makes you feel good whether that's fancy or comfy. Dress with intention and make the choice. Make the getting ready as part of your date and take your time to pamper yourself and do all the nice things you might not always have time to do

6. Get comfortable with being alone. If you're used to being in company most of the time it can feel strange at first. To help with this try journaling, a guided meditation or mindful activity for the first 10-20 minutes of your time alone. This can help ease any anxiety and get you feeling more comfortable.

7. Give all of you to you! By this we mean to be present and not half there with the other half of you sinking in guilty thoughts or clock watching. This will empower you to be at one with the experience.

8. Don't be ashamed to treat yourself if this is something you struggle with. It's not uncommon that we feel the sense that if something is just for you it's not worth doing. To change this mindset you should ask yourself 'if I was hosting how would i make my guest feel comfortable' then do it for yourself. Whether that's ordering dessert (with one spoon) putting on some music or lighting your favourite candles - treat yourself!

Relatable side thoughts...

Have you been told you're a people pleaser?

Or do you often describe yourself as one?

The telltale signs are often ones that might surprise you as may always assume you doing your best! But the person who suffers most is you.

Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live

by Emma Reed Turrell Is a wonderful book for helping you squash the inner people pleaser and be an even better friend/parent to yourself and those around you.

This book is a must-read or listen!

Thank you for reading Charlotte's thoughts (Lead teacher & Founder of Tapah)

If you like what you read we would be very grateful for a like and a share!

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